disgusting and very insecure. A girl used to work for me some 20 years ago, she
would come with a black eye to the office, and always produced an excuse that
her horse kicked her, she had
a few. Finally she cried out loud, and we were all gentle with her. Her mother
and my staff advised her to report him –she would not, but kept getting beat up
all the times. Her suffering was over after the divorce. What made her stay in
the relationship was beyond me.
I had another person who worked for me
who was a wife-gay, he came to office with black eyes as well. He passed away
after a while; we could not get him to get out of the relationship either. It
was difficult for all of us to see someone we loved take so much abuse. Is there
a tell tale sign to know about the abusers before getting into a
relationship?
My late wife helped many with Domestic Violence and I have
driven with her in the middle of the night to help some of the women. It was
very painful. Thank God there are many Domestic Violence help centers now,
volunteer community counseling is available as well. If you have friends, please
guide them to the counseling centers and be kind to them, they just want someone
to hear without interrupting.
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Abusive relationships
How do we find our freedom?
Do
you know the story where a elderly monk and a younger one were standing at the
edge of the shallow river to cross – there was a pregnant lady wanting to cross
and was afraid of it. Monks were reluctant to help her as they cannot touch a
woman. Finally the elder monk carries the lady on his back, drops her on the
other side. As the two continued their walk — the younger one criticizes the
elder one… “that ladys legs were wrapping around your body, that her breast
were touching your back….. why did you do that?” The elderly man looks up at
the youth – and says, “young man, I dropped that lady half a mile back, you
still carry her on you mind?
We
all need to make an effort to seek forgiveness and forgive others – there is a
beautiful phrase in the Jain tradition called – Michami Dukadam – that is
cleaning each others mental slate and starting afresh. Its easy to say, but
difficult to follow. But what are the choices? How do we regain our normal self
that can be good to our loved ones? Our children, friends and family members do
not deserve our moods, do they? Can we work on uplifting ourselves? All we can
do it make a serious effort.
……. Mike Ghouse is a speaker, thinker and a
writer
on pluralism, politics, peace, Islam, Israel, India, interfaith, and cohesion at work
place. He is committed to building a Cohesive America and offers
pluralistic solutions on issues of the day at www.TheGhousediary.com. He believes in
Standing up for others and
has done that throughout his life as an activist. Mike has a presence on
national and local TV, Radio and Print Media. He is a frequent guest on Sean Hannity show on
Fox TV, and a commentator on national radio networks, he contributes weekly to
the Texas Faith Column at Dallas Morning News; fortnightly
at Huffington post; and
several other periodicals across the world. His personal site www.MikeGhouse.net indexes all his work
through many links.