Ghouse Humor, Monday, April 11, 2011

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This is your weekly dose of humor, get offended and get angry but at the end laugh it off. Humor makes one see the irony of life. Blonde are stereotyped, Aggies’s and Pollock’s are the others, in every community and nation someone or the other is butt of the jokes, not any more… I will consciously make and effort to break the stereotyping in the humor I have been sharing on Mondays and I urge you to make the same effort.  I hope you laugh your tail off and enjoy the rest of the week.
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her,
“What did you steal?”
She replied: “A can of peaches”.
The judge asked her why she had stolen
them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many
peaches were in the can.
She replied, “6”.
The judge then said, “I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce
the punishment the woman’s husband spoke
up and asked the judge if he could say something.
He said, “What is it?”
The husband said “She also stole a can of peas.”
Stranded on a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere
the following people are stranded:
– Two Italian men and one Italian woman
– Two French men and one French woman
– Two German men and one German woman
– Two Greek men and one Greek woman
– Two English men and one English woman
– Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
– Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
– Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
– Two Irish men and one Irish woman
– Two American men and one American woman
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
* One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
* The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.
* The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
* The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
* The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
* The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
* The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
* The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor/store/restaurant/ laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
* The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they’re satisfied because the English aren’t having any fun.
* The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn’t they bring a damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this godforsaken deserted island in the middle of friggin’ nowhere so she can go to the spa, get her nails done, get a “hot rock massage”, and go shopping… 
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The Read head wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up.
The husband said, ‘Who was that?’
The wife answered, ‘I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.’
Two Brunettes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, ‘Hmm, this person looks familiar.’
The second brunette says, ‘Here, let me see!’
So, the first brunette hands her the compact.
The second brunette looks in the mirror and says, ‘You dummy, it’s me!’
A Cowgirl suspects her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the Cow Girl is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, ‘No, honey, don’t do it!!!’
The Cow girl replies, ‘Shut up, you’re next!’
An African American woman was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, ‘Go ahead, ask me, … I know ’em all.’
A friend says, ‘OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin ?’
The lady replies’, that’s easy .. it’s W.’
Q: What did the Spanish lady ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: ‘Is it mine?’
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, ‘That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.’
Returning home from work, an Indian woman was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the Indian woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!’ 

If you know someone is looking for a speaker on Interfaith, here is the information.
Mike is available to speak on Pluralism, Islam, India, Civil Societies, and Peace & Justice at your work place, place of worship, school, seminars or conferences.  He is a media commentator offering pluralistic solutions on issues of the day. 
Mike Ghouse is a speaker, thinker and a writer. He is committed to building a cohesive America through the America Together Foundation.

The Foundation for Pluralism champions the idea of co-existence through respecting and accepting the otherness of other while the World Muslim Congress is committed to nurturing the pluralistic ideals embedded in Islam.

Mike’s work is reflected at three websites & twenty two Blogs listed at

If you know some one is looking to create a retirement income with a little effort, you can call me
Mike Ghouse
(214) 325-1916

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